This is one of those topics that people within healthy D/s relationships or FLRs don't often discuss because why wouldn't you see a domme as a person? But step into any femdom community that opens its doors for the local Internet wanderer who has just finished their visit with the big Black and Yellow streaming site and you'll find droves of newbies that wonder what establishment all the femdommes gather at on Friday evenings to hunt new subs. Because that totally makes sense, right?
This train of thought is like thinking "well, I saw a woman in this one Internet video that I think is hot, so I'm going to ask the next woman I see if she's interested in sleeping with me". Wait, you say, that sounds like sexual harassment? And you would never do that???
So you don't say.
With only a few moments of active thought, you've managed to identity that the way submissives see femdommes as a concept is very problematic. Many new subs see dominant woman as means to an end. In their desperation, they begin throwing their kinks into a half-coherent personal and wait for the beautiful Goddess of their dreams to roll into their dms.
Except that doesn't happen. Instead, their inboxes are filled with bots and scammers catfishing their way into their innocent souls and open wallets only to splash back into the silence of the ocean once they've gotten their pay. This is the beginning of the vicious cycle.
If you're still here, allow me to highlight a few major points:
Catfishing scammers/bots are often men or programmed by men. Sad, but true. They take advantage of their desperate bros and use stolen photos of pretty women to steal their money. There was never a woman in your inbox.
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Let us examine this scenario with basic economics. If you search for "femdom" in basically any social media site or search engine, you're going to be flooded by people offering professional services. Some of these people make their living off of their job as a prodomme. It's true. This means the demand for a safe, healthy experience with a dominant woman for a "no strings attached" night outweighs the supply of women who would sleep with a random sub just to test the waters.
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Finally, if we return to my previous point, a person who sees domination as a job is going to spend significantly more of their own time and money marketing themselves as a femdom than a lifestyle domme would. They're also interested in being $poiled for their services, so they're more likely to showcase what submissives see in their fantasies. Prodomming is work: these women are usually not searching for love.
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When we combine these factors together, fresh subs often get the wrong idea about what femdom is all about.
It's because of these misunderstandings that I created the world of Doting Dominatrix. It's because of the pain that my femdom friends often suffered at the demands of unreasonable subs that I wrote Daisy to be a gentle, anxious domme that the average person has met almost anywhere. The truth is, there's real, genuine dommes all around you that are interested in forming relationships and don't require you to pay every time you see them. Really. Join some hobby groups or go to munches to meet new people. You can learn more about vetting here.
Don't stress if it's hard to find a match. Dating is tough and femdom dating is not easier. Work on yourself and don't rush to find love. You'll find your person.